The System by Jess Peters

Rating: ⭐

“It had me feeling nervous. The system was hiding something, I could feel it. I intend to pass this all the way to the top. Then I'll find out the truth and save everyone.”

So...interesting premise made unrecognizable by unreadable writing. A short time into the future, seventeen-year-old Daniel enters the system with the hopes of bettering humanity with a cure for the disease plaguing society. Although ready to endure the tests and trials the system will put him through, he’s not prepared for the truth that will shatter all he thought he know of the world. 

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Because I teach middle school English classes, proper writing, or rather improper writing, is one my pet peeves when reading a published novel. I read poorly written work by teens on a daily basis; I don’t want to have to sift through and decipher a story amidst horrendous writing traits. 

First of all, I have to say how annoying this book was to read with the constant inattention to maintaining a consistent tense. One of the basics of writing, ANY kind of writing, is to pick ONE tense (past/present) and stick to it. The continuous shifting of tenses stands out like a sore thumb throughout this novel. 

“She just kept smiling. That grin never faltering. It is actually kind of creepy. A quick glance at her wrist showed she was a solid green. Obviously, she was. You can tell she believes in the system wholeheartedly.”

Along with the tense shifts, the sentence fluency is no better than that of a middle schooler either. I’d guesstimate about 90% of the sentences were simple sentences with a few sprinklings of compound and complex. A lack of variety in sentences means a lack of flow in the writing, which becomes the second reason why this book was extremely annoying to get through. Tack on the repetitive sentence beginnings and you’ve got an average 8th grade free write story.

“The band was then clipped on. It was about one and a half inches wide and quite thin. It was currently displaying a blank screen.”

Honestly, any book that lacks a decent attempt at editing and at least some writing skills isn’t worth my time. On top of that, there’s no character development and a stagnant plot. The book is written as, “I did this. Then I did this. Then this happened,” structure, leaving much to be desired including a bridge for the holes in the story timeline. Actually, if there was a bridge back to the time before I read this, I would take that too.

*I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.